14. saying hello saying goodbye and every time it feels like something is dying
I tell myself that traveling is very similar to being in love.
—Etel Adnan, Of Cities & Women (Letters to Fawwaz)
Hello hello— I hope this missive finds you well, ready for the weekend, and gently riding the waves of this eclipse season. However your tides fluctuate within this solar/ lunar event on Saturday, I hope you bob like a cork, I hope you feel ease in the beauty of this reawakening season, I hope you delight in green buds everywhere…. leaves unfurling, ready to expand in the warming sun. I am speaking floridly to you now from my Taurus placements: Sun and Venus. It’s all love baby.
Traveling and falling in love— both invite chaos into our lives. Dismantle our egos and leave us breathless, broken and without.
Recently I returned from a whirlwind U.S. tour de nostalgia and new beginnings. It was my first time returning to the USA since moving to Lisbon. I have to say, I expected a little more fanfare or at least excitement upon arrival, but the customs officer just scowled at me when I told him what I’ve been up to. It’s okay, I understand that Translation Studies is a relatively new field.
I began in Philly for a birthday celebration and reconnection with people and places. I am always grateful to return to this city, eat vegetarian Ethiopian food from Abyssinia, sleep soundly under my partner’s weighted blanket, and adopt traffic cones. We partied like it was… 2015? It was a push the couches to the wall kind of night. There were suggestions to go out— in particular to a new bar in the basement of the Divine Lorraine, a storied hotel with a cultic history, but the vibes weren't there that night.
As a fan of an old hotel basement speakeasy—License No. 1 beneath the Boulderado in Boulder has my heart and money forever ( I have probably spent over a hundred dollars on the photobooth alone)—I had high hopes. After leaving Philly, I spent the rest of my trip haunted by the idea of this place, wishing we had gone. Later, on a layover before coming back to Lisbon we did go to the basement of the Divine Lorraine, and immediately left. It was…. disappointing. To anyone thinking about starting a hotel basement venue, sumptuously upholstered furniture is a must. I don’t think you can have wooden benches & bad lighting and call yourself a speakeasy.
After Philly, I flew to Colorado for a weekend of creatrixing! My dear friend, Mx. Tangerine, hosted three of us in their beautiful mountain cabin. It's as if Howl’s moving castle had a steadfast older sister. The home is replete with stained glass, wooden beams, psychedelic carpet, a deck with a spiral staircase and a constant, nourishing mountain view. It was a beautiful weekend of play and intention planting under the pink full moon.
After filling up on mountain air, big belly laughs, and gorgeous, intentional meals in the best company, I went to Florida to spend time with my mother and grandmother.
I listened to my grandmother’s migration stories— it’s so unbelievable to me that she uprooted her family to come to the U.S. on a prayer from Brazil—with 90 dollars and without knowing a word of English. The three of us (me, my mother, and my grandmother) all have different nationalities (Portuguese, Brazilian, American)… different origins. I guess the women in our line can’t stay put for more than a generation. And here I am in Portugal. Back to the beginning, again. If I have a daughter, where will she go?
Wrapped in a blanket in my grandmother’s bed, air conditioner blasting, watching the evening news, she turned to me and said, in Portuguese, “isn’t it amazing that sea turtles are born in the sand but they know to go to the water? How do they know?”
I looked it up and it’s a combination of genetic memory and the reflection of light off the water.
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Movies I watched recently that made me cry my eyes out:
Encanto
Everything Everywhere All at Once
Creative update:
On May 15th, I will be facilitating a virtual workshop with Remote Body titled “The Drowning Week: Writing the Tides of PMS, PMDD and PME”— a generative writing workshop exploring menstruation representations in literature and cultivating new narratives. For anyone who has experienced menstruation. Registration is open with a suggested donation of $5-15. Reach out with any questions!
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As always, thank you for spending part of your day with me and these musings! This newsletter and its beautiful and mighty community bring me so much joy. I am turning 30 on Sunday. If you would like to send birthday love, you can subscribe to my paid tier or venmo @duffylala . Much love & until next month xx