Dear all— I write this missive to you all on Samhain, at the end of what has felt like the longest month. My cat, curled at my feet, makes little noises. Every time she makes a little noise, snores, I think to myself, I would die for this little being. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
Animals are simple to love. It doesn’t mean that caring for them is always easy. But, we love them purely. Our animal companions don’t contradict our ideologies, call into question our core values, or wound us with their language. They don’t mock us or make us feel unimportant.
Loving them is a reprieve from the often messy, brutal business of loving other humans who are complex, storied, and unpredictable (not to suggest that my cat is not also these things).
I’ve been thinking about artmaking, about love, and about atrocity & this James Baldwin quote that has been circulating on social media:
“The role of the artist is exactly the same as the role of the lover. If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see.”
We all have the power to condemn atrocity, on any scale. We have the power to point out places where people we love may have succumbed to propaganda. We have the power to untangle the deep roots of our conditioning. In a recent livestream, the brilliant Fred Moten spoke about reclaiming our voices and our power. Something I appreciated about this gentle and compassionate talk is how he reminds viewers: we can’t count on our employers or organizations to speak for us. And many of us are in positions where the institutions we work for are defending different interests than our own.
He also asked, “How do we renew and refine our anti-colonial practice?"
I love the word renew because it evokes vows. An anti-colonial practice really is an act of love, love in the most liberatory sense of the word.
I am reminded, even though I was so young, about how, in the wake of 9/11, American grief was weaponized, which was used to justify an occupation, an endless war. I’ve been thinking about terror, and why many are so much more comfortable with sanitized and state-sanctioned versions of it. I’ve been crying in the mornings. I’ve been lighting candles and sitting in prayer.
None of this is enough. It is never enough. As a citizen of the U.S., my tax dollars go towards weapons that contribute to genocide. What should we do when we are complicit in atrocities? When consent is being manufactured for these atrocities? This is not new information, it has always been there, humming in the background.
Words like “never forget” and “never again” punctuate the collective rhetoric, but it seems that those phrases blot out actual memory. We are forgetting, and we are repeating.
I don’t have much else to share with you this month apart from: don’t turn away from suffering. Call your representatives relentlessly. If you are able to, put your bodies in the street, in public spaces, speak up. Demand a ceasefire.
I’m sending you all so much love— next month I’ll have more whimsy for you (working on a little essay on samba and the theater of emotions).
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Reading recs:
Book: Brutalities by Margo Steines– I just finished this book earlier this month. I read the e-book on my tiny phone screen… on buses, in cars, in slow moments at the strip club. This book was uncomfortable, honest, and true. A beautifully crafted memoir that made me reflect on my own relationship to pain, escape, and cycles.
Op-ed in the NYT by Hala Alyan which asks, why must Palestinians audition for your sympathy?
Poem: “Friends with No Benefits” by Megan Fernandes. I now replace desire/ with meaning
song of the month:
this song has kept me dancing through the heart of despair.
Creative updates:
I have two strange little poems in Adult Groceries! “Horse Girl” and “Barnacle” <3
Things are moving forward with Working Girls Press, and we are preparing to launch a Kickstarter for our very first anthology project! This independent press centers profit sharing and the brilliance of working girls. More details to come on how you can support!!
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As always, this monthly missive is a free offering! If you would like to support further, I invite you to subscribe to my paid tier where you can see first glimses of unpublished works, essays, playlists, and more! Until next month. xx